May 30, 2012
What’s the Deal with Sex Surrogates?
People get Sexologists and Sex Surrogates mixed up all the time. If you’re looking for a surrogate it very much depends on what you would like to see a surrogate for and also not everyone is a candidate for surrogacy. So, let’s examine what surrogacy is and then perhaps you can decide if it’s right for you. The surrogate process is not something to be taken lightly. To be a surrogate you must be trained and certified through a regulatory institution (IPSA — International Professional Surrogates Association) and be followed by a sex therapist as well. Many people are confused thinking that Sex Therapists or Sexologists are also sex surrogates. To clarify both Sex Therapists and Sexologists have academic degrees and may refer an individual to sex surrogacy with appropriate presenting factors (which we’ll discuss below).
<I>What is a Surrogate Partner?
A surrogate partner is a member of a three-way therapeutic team consisting of therapist, client and surrogate partner. The surrogate participates as a partner to the client in experiences designed to build the client’s skills in the areas of physical and emotional intimacy. This partner-work includes exercises in communication, relaxation, sensual and sexual touching, and social skills training.
Each program is designed to increase the client’s comfort and confidence. The involvement of the team therapist, a licensed and/or certified professional with an advanced degree, is a cornerstone of this therapy process. Sessions with the therapist are interwoven with the surrogate client sessions. Open, honest, consistent communication between all team members is a fundamental ingredient of successful surrogate partner therapy.
Reasons Clients Seek Surrogate Partner Therapy
The concerns that motivate clients to seek surrogate partner therapy often range from general social anxieties to specific sexual dysfunctions. Some common sexual concerns for male clients involve dissatisfaction with orgasm, ejaculation, and/or erection difficulties. Female clients’ sexual issues might involve difficulties with orgasmic release or with penetration. Clients of either gender may seek therapy to address problems relating to lack of experience; fear of intimacy; shame or anxiety regarding sex; low-level of arousal; lack of sexual desire.
Concerns for either gender might result from one of the following: medical conditions, negative body image or physical disfigurement; physical disabilities; issues of sexual, physical or emotional abuse and/or trauma (rape or incest, for instance); confusion about sexual orientation; lack of sexual or social self-confidence.
Surrogate and Client Interactions
Learning how to develop healthy relationships; how to touch and to receive touch; how to be more accepting of one’s body and sexuality are important aspects of this process. Care is taken to assure that the client is ready for each new step as client and surrogate gradually progress through experiences that are simultaneously diagnostic, skill building, and healing. The surrogate partner models appropriate social skills, sensuality, and effective communication. The surrogate-client relationship also offers experiences of shared physical intimacy, which facilitate work on client’s sexual self-concept and sexual functioning. As the work progresses, clients find themselves becoming more relaxed, more open to feelings, and more comfortable with physical and emotional intimacy. Genital-genital contact may or may not be therapeutically indicated. When it is indicated it is often a minor part of the therapy. </I>
Let me clarify that sex surrogacy does not mean genital sex will occur. If it is not indicated as a part of the therapeutic process it won’t happen. Sex surrogates are not glorified prostitutes. However, my professional opinion is that some individuals who could benefit from sex surrogacy do see prostitutes for the same reason — namely, those who have problems socializing with partners, intimacy issues, or performance problems. Prostitution in this way serves it’s own purpose, however it’s obvious that therapeutic goals aren’t the driving factor behind these encounters.
Now in regards to your actually seeing a surrogate, I would suggest that you get an evaluation through a local Sex Therapist (you can find one in your area through www.aasect.org). They should be able to come to a determination with you through counseling as to whether or not you would benefit from surrogacy.
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